After passing 11 interviews, saying that I really wanted this job that I will kill for it, right now I am stuck. Stuck to do what I am expected to do, feeling like a robot where people around me will just push the button at my back and I will just move accordingly.
For almost five months staying in this company, I haven’t found the words of happiness and contentment.
I don’t want to be a battery-operated human being that goes to work because I have to make a living, earning because that is what society tells me to do.
I want to live. I want to be awaken by my passion to learn everything about pharmaceuticals and not by my stupid alarm clock every 5 am in the morning.
I want to be happy. Is that hard to achieve? Apparently the answer is yes.
2012- A year of answered prayers, achievements, incessant struggles, and failed love relationships. It has been a year where I deeply met the Lord, often called for His unconditional grace and spent more time speaking to Him. A marvelous twist of fate and a true test of faith. They say the world will end on December 21 of 2012, but I guess it just began!
Reflections. I’ve always thought of questions which innocently captures the essence of where i am right now. Like “what happened to ____?”,” what have i done to _____ and what has _____ done to change my life?” There are many queries, speculations and circumstances which I’ve grasped, tasted, smelled and digested. It has always been a rule not to live on the past, and what is my say to that? HELL YEAH!
Last year, I’ve made this post which circulates on the events that happened during 2011. This time, I am starting a tradition without the blood compact and all.
So, before the Chinese people officially end the year of the mighty dragon and welcome the coming of the water snake, here are the BEST and the WORST things that happened to me during the year 2012 (in chronological order.)
1. REACTION. March 23,2012. I’ve been wanting for this position long ago –Editor-in-Chief. When Albert (ChES president) asked me if I can do the job, instantly I said YES! Though I am not the first choice for this position, in my mind it doesn’t really matter (at least I am a choice right? and someone outside of my friends and family believe that I can!). At first, everything was doing okay, many applied, a meeting was done and the editing was also accomplished. Until the tempest came. It was January or February. A message from our adviser made my heart sunk and my limbs tremble. He has a long message to our FB page and every word was colored with black; words of disappointment, conflicts and lack of interest. He said if I would continue it, he asked me if I can? I’ve said my apologies and said “Sir, I will publish a Reaction.”
To cut the long story short. Many struggles have happened during those weeks, countless hours facing Adobe InDesign and asking for help. Stories of anger management, tears of hopelessness and taps from supporting friends. I’ve met people who will help me no matter what and how busy they are. I’ve also met people who are not fully aware of the definition of “responsibility” and people who will just let you down.
March 23 was one of the happiest days of my life. I’ve seen the fruit of ALL the labor, the cause of my sleepless nights and groggy mornings and the result of unrelenting passion, determination, faith to oneself to the grace of God.
2. GRADUATION.March 31, 2012. Yes!This would surely own a spot. For five years in engineering, I’ve learned the value of perseverance and prayers, honesty and responsibility, commitment, compassion and competence. UST has been our home, my home and it will always be. In Engineering, there are not only right and wrong answers but Precision and Accuracy. I have learned how demanding my course is and how significant my major is to the whole society.
3. Moving Out. May 30, 2012. One question I’ve asked in the Taoist temple, “Papayagan po ba nila kong mgdorm?” and it said a clear YES. I have been living with my sisters for five years and though I love them, I just want a time to breathe, concentrate and focus on my review. Though my pamangkins are cute and lovable, they sometimes irritates me and cuts my short string of patience.
Additionally, I’ve decided to move out to focus on reviewing for the board exams. the fun part is I am living with two of my friends Marie and Venice who are not kill-joys and has similar goals as mine.
During the six months of staying there and going home every Saturdays or Sundays, I’ve felt completely independent. Thinking of what food to eat, paying the bills and doing chores I’ve never done before.
4. New Bondages. There are no specific dates. I’ve been close to my friends and met new ones. A refreshing thought of starting on fulfilling our life-long dreams and starting our careers.
Moreover, Ive been close to the Lord. Spirituality, I’ve been complete. Faith has been my power and through it I believe that “Eveything is possible.”
5. OATH-TAKING. December 22, 2012. What did I say? It’s a year of accomplishments and answered prayers. As I squeeze in my black lacy dress and my nude colored wedges, I felt happy. As I say my oath and take pictures of everyone especially with my mother and sister, I felt ecstatic. As I went through the stage, get my certificate and shake the hands of PRC Board Members, I felt incredibly on 7th Heaven.
Simple word. Happiness, in every word and in every degree, that is what I’ve felt on the 22nd of December, the day after the world has “ended.” haha.
1. Feb 9, 2012. This is a private matter and only people close to me would know. Let’s just say that it’s a story I didn’t expect the ending.
2. Friendship over love. Sometimes you feel awkward and feel like it’s better for you to just stay what you are now. Ramon Bautista would be the expert to talk about these matters. It’s just sad how the story ended.
3. Failure. This has been a part of life. Inevitable. Though it didn’t happen to me, I still felt depressed and disheartened. Like I am in her position. Well, maybe “bad things happen to good people.” I just hope that the next time, she will finally get the GOLD medal.
4. Fireworks on my purse. This has always been a problem. Books can be a cause, but also paying our water bills. Because it piked up to 2000, I have to pay it with my allowance and start saving. I am always walang pera, walang budget.
“Good bye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be.” ― Walt Disney Company
Everyone has crazy ideas in their minds. As I grew old, I’ve realized that all decisions, daydreaming and drama-telling conversations with oneself happens during shower time. All the reality checks, long-time dreams and maybe even past conversations are reflected one by one. Haha. And relatively, during shower time, I’ve come to think of this list.
These are the things I wished would happen. Aside from being rich and successful chemical engineer in the future, I want to slash this goals one by one. In random order:
1. Have all my books signed by my favorite authors, especially Ricky Lee, J.K. Rowling and Thomas Cook.
2. Have all the DVD copy of Harry Potter signed by my favorite HP characters.
4. Have a coffee and nice conversation with Samantha Brown and Cake Boss lead Buddy.
5. Have a HUGE library! And I mean HUGE!!
At that moment where all of us are waiting for texts, links and a faster internet connection, we couldn’t breathe. Literally, as if no single oxygen molecule can enter our respiratory systems. It was an experience of scanning your name in that endless names of friends and unknown people and seeing it for the first time. Best word. UTOPIA.
It was indescribable. Speechless. Smothering. Fulfilling! After months of continuous learning and memorizing formulas, finally I have come to this point in my life where the letters E.N.G.R can be etched beside my name.
I’ve been very enthralled of writing these words, of publishing it so people will know and of giving details about how hard and difficult the journey was. I’ve even took notes in my mind during shower or during daydreaming. Yet, now I think these words are enough to implicate the utter happiness. I think these words are enough to encapsulate the immense bliss which is filling my heart. So, I won’t expound on how I’ve prepared, emotions imbued and lessons learned. Just- FAITH. PRAYERS. FAMILY. UST. GOD.DREAM.ENGR. Words which may not seem to form a thought, but for me these words are enough.
AND right now all I know (and I am sure of it!) this is where God wants me to be.
March 31, 2012. Solemn Investiture– is what I would call the “cherry on top”.
Wearing a pinky shade of make-up,curly hair damped with lots of hair product and bobby pins, clothed in violet or indigo (or whatever) spaghetti-strapped dress and a pair of shoes with a hint of leopard print on it. Aside from the expected smiles from my neighbors, the clouds congratulated me with a heavy downpour (literally). I wore my toga- a black dress with a thin line of gray on the shoulder area. It was not properly hemmed, the top of my cap is slightly folded- BUT I really don’t care. Because in my eyes it is the most perfect one that would suit in every individual standing and smiling in that closed room.
We’ve waited for hours to pass by, took pictures with friends and sent congratulations to everybody I know. Then, it was time to march; sweating palms were my indication of anxiety and at that moment they did not fail me.
The program started. From the singing of the National Anthem, speakers saying their thoughts for us to ponder, to calling of names.
And then… BS Chemical Engineering. Tah-dah!
Upon walking on that proverbial path with my uncomfortable shoes I hardly can stand on, I was expecting the rush of innumerable flashbacks -each of them wanting to own a special space in my cerebrum. Yet on that precious moment of waiting for my name to be called and my graduation picture be flashed on the screen with a few achievements enlisted, there was none. There was only one and it was that instant.
Looking at Father Cabading, Dean de Alban and Sir Balog, shaking their hands, saying my thanks. Everything happened so fast. After that, we were welcomed with embraces from the faculty of Chemical Engineering. Hugs and kisses. Nothing so elaborate, but so pure and genuine.
Though I want to sit beside my friends and have a kodakan moment with them, I chose to sit silently and observe. I chose to think of what could have beens and what will happen after this?” types of question.
Sigh! Solemn Investiture. It was ended with genuine hugs and kisses from batchmates, classmates, friends and most importantly from my family.
This is the result of five years of struggles and sleepless nights talking to Perry, Atkins and all the author of our books. Ironically, I waited for this to happen, but then I don’t want it to end.
March 23, 2012. Baccalaureate Mass/UST Hymn/Arch of the Centuries run -is what I would call the “steakhouse”
In my first year, as I stroll in the premises of this respected university, I was astounded as to how big and clean it is. Graduating from a newly founded science highschool where in four years I only see 20 familiar jolly faces, I caught myself often speaking in hyperboles. Upon entering this school I was shocked and left in awe.
The first weeks were colored with campus tours, freebies (bag with pen), book of moral conduct, a traditional mass and a concert party. With no friend by my side during that time, I sat on the left side of the grandstand, observing different kinds of people and keeping my thoughts play inside my mind rather than poking my seatmate and emancipate all the effusing emotions kept within. As I remember correctly, I did not pay attention to the mass given because I was busy having a dialogue with my inner self and making a bucket list to my college journey (which I haven’t accomplished). Aside from the mass, freshmen are to be”officially” called Thomasians after passing through under the Arch of the Centuries. (Sabi nila, pag lumabas agad ng Arch hindi ka makakagraduate sa UST.) It was then followed by a concert which I (having no company) did not watch. Poor me!
Hm. Let’s fast forward!
Five years after, unlike that girl with a pony tail sitting alone, I went to the grandstand with my whole bunch of friends, screaming our way in, taking photos inch after inch of our stride and did not hell care about the ushers commanding us to make our fast paces. We took a lot of pictures to savor the remaining moments of being a chemical engineering graduate, and of course of being a Thomasian.
CHEMICAL ENGINEERING! We are so damned proud! Every time ENGINEERING would be called by the hosts of the event, each of us would scream our hearts and lungs out to encapsulate the extreme happiness and radiate it in every corner of the grandstand. 😛
Then, a myriad of emotions overflowed to the brim of the cup. Baccalaureate mass...UST Hymn.. Run towards the Arch of the Centuries..
It was a whiplash; it happened so fast yet it left marks which were etched within. The Baccalaureate Mass is an endearing approach of celebrating our unrelenting gratitude to God and to our beloved second home, UST. “Separation is needed in every relationship for us to grow.”
As we sang the UST Hymn, pointing the candles to the Cross of the Main Building, every speck of light flickering is an impeccable indication of a priceless moment that every Thomasian heart can only fulfill. It is a panoramic view indeed! That in those illuminating candles are the exploding wicks of unending grace which the university will always bear in us. And as we all know, UST fireworks are always magnificent!
Lastly, a “marathon” towards the Arch of the Centuries was the ultimate and best experience ever! It was a run where we don’t care if we stumble, we just ran and felt the excited breeze of wind touching our visages, painting it with smiles of different hues. 🙂
P.S. Below is a short video clip done by UST students showing “Bakit ko mahal ang UST?” Cute song!
MORENOISM- the science of overdosing the laughter medicine.